so, what have you learned?

2010, the end of another decade..... what have you learned? will it help you in the coming years? or will you bog yourself down, once again, in the trivial?

i was born in 1962, an auspicious year. the world was changing-fast. and at the beginning of this decade, 17 july 2000, i choose to die.

1962 the year of the cuban missile crisis, with resulting embargo on imports from cuba, the u.n. passes a resolution condemning south africa's racist apartheid policies and the u.s. air force was investigating lasers to intercept missiles.

james meredith enrolled at ole miss. marily monroe was found dead, east german border guards shot peter fechter and left him to die on the berlin wall. k-mart, wal-mart opened their first stores, and the first u.s. rocket, ranger iv, lands on the moon.

the beatles record their first single, love me do, johnny carson debuts as the host of the tonight show, and the beverly hillbillies was on the telly .. with 90% of u.s. households owning a television set. the oral polio vaccine was given to millions of children, and the first use of silicon breast implants were used by houston surgeons .....

inventions were changing the world, the first telestar communication satellite was launched by the u.s.a... venus probe, the mariner 2, was the first planetary probe, and l.e.d. was being used for displays.

DJIA closed at 652... average income was $5,556, while a factory worker, with 3 dependents, was averaging a take home pay of $94.87/week. a new house averaged $12K, a car $3K, with eggs 32c/dozen and gas 28c/gallon.

and while all of that data is interesting, enlightening, and even amusing ....

what have i learned?

quite a bit, but not enough.... i've learned that the pursuit of happiness is exhausting... contentment is more fulfilling... true love is NOT the fluttery feeling in your stomach or your heart in your throat thinking of that certain someone .... it is standing firm in a commitment, it is being tolerant when you want to scream ... love is knowing that sometimes you give more ... and sometimes you take more .... and it's okay.

i've learned, i don't have to pursue perfection ... in mind nor body ... (my knees really wish i had learned that before becoming an aerobics instructor or running the bleachers for "fun", my shoulders wished i had learned that before pushing myself to climb a rope using only my arms) i just have to pursue improvement ... in small increments or huge bounds ... depending on my mood --- and sometimes -- improvement is going backwards ... improvement is remembering what it is to see wonder in this universe ... to look at life with fresh eyes, to see the mundane as a miracle ...that waking up each day -- is all that is required of me ... (learned that on 18 july 2000 but was unable to appreciate it until 2005 ... when i knew i had beaten my oxycontin addiction ... when i knew i was breathing because i wanted to, not because i promised tom i would)

i've learned that it doesn't matter if it's a small "white lie" or a big-ass-freakin' whopper of a lie, it's still a lie and will haunt me, sooner or later. i've learned that truth is easier to remember than a bunch of lies.... that an excuse is a human's way of explaining a fuck-up (learned this from my dogs, they never make excuses but show proper shame when reprimanded correctly) ... that if i live my life without excuses i seldom have to make an apology because i've thought thru my actions before i commit to the deed.

i've also learned that giving up is okay ... i cannot climb every mountain ... nor do i care to ... a bucket-list is a piece of crap, not worth the time to write it out... if you have to write down things you want to do before you die ... you've never lived to begin with so quit wasting time on what you want to do. for life really is too short ... i've learned that death is a Blessing, a Release., nothing to fear.

i've learned what i do in this plane of existence is worthwhile ... it is relevant, if for no other reason than for those i leave behind when i move on to the next level of existence.... and there is another place ... this i know ... i closed my eyes that day ... with the most wonderful peace i've ever felt, knowing i had made my peace with life, knowing that what i did was not wrong... knowing i was going to a better place ... a place of no pain, no sorrow ... and to be quite honest ... i was pissed when i woke up in the hospital ... pissed at the pain, pissed at the medical staff, pissed at my family, pissed at being brought back to this life... but that was a lesson that i needed to learn ... that there is more than what i see, that there is more to this existence than succeeding ... that living cannot be quantified (which blew my "logical" mind) i learned there is MORE.

i've learned that grandchildren are THE greatest gift from my Creator ... i see in them my past, the past of my loved ones, and i see the future ... despite what the naysayers and "end of time" people are saying ... the future is bright, as bright as the eyes of these precious children.

i've learned, there is so much more to learn ... life would be so boring if you and i thought alike ... that people are different for a reason, that we all can't agree, though each one of us may see the same event -- we each see our own truth ... but i can be tolerant -- just because you're wrong doesn't mean i can't be generous.

i've learned i can always find a reason to smile.. even if it's a smile because i'm breathing ...

day'umn i've been wordy today ... and it's not even 08:00... must get more coffee ...

happy new year ... may it be all you need to be content ... and may you find a reason to smile every day.


some holiday pics from my iphone, until Papa finds my camera cord for pc

Papa & Nolan, Christmas morn

Jaxon did NOT like the ROFL Monkey, kept kicking it whenever it got close.

Jax on his brand new big boy bed, nah, he wasn't impressed & has no intention of using it for more than an occasional nap.

Papa enjoying the new Jedi saber

my lil Prince Jaxon

a cell tower that was blown over in Brookhaven on Christmas Eve... i was to have taken the g-babes to my dad's for the evening, but wasn't about to get on the road with 4 children on such a night.

when Tom finds my cord that he "put in a safe place" i will download the photos that i had planned on giving the great-grandparents, aunts & uncles for Christmas ... maybe i'll get it done before July 4th, 2012



merry Christmas?!?

why i prefer not to say Merry Christmas in December but instead happy birthday in March/April, which astronomy has determined was when the star of David lead to the Savior.

this link gives a good summary of much i have read & gleaned over the last few years.

Christ, Constantine, & Sol Invictus

there is much to be garnered from this article, here is an excerpt:

"According to Persian traditions, the god Mithras was actually incarnated into the human form of the Saviour expected by Zarathustra. Mithras was born of Anahita, an immaculate virgin mother once worshipped as a fertility goddess before the hierarchical reformation. Anahita was said to have conceived the Saviour from the seed of Zarathustra preserved in the waters of Lake Hamun in the Persian province of Sistan. Mithra's ascension to heaven was said to have occurred in 208 B.C., 64 years after his birth. This birth took place in a cave or grotto, where shepherds attended him and regaled him with gifts, at the WINTER SOLSTICE."

so to those who wish me a merry Christmas .. i say "may you have the best year ever in the coming year."

i ask you not be so close minded that you think one is w/o faith if one doesn't say Merry Christmas, there is always more to the story if you open your heart & find tolerance & acceptance.



the season of giving? or why are you bitchin'?

everyone spends so much time pushing their own "stuff".  whatever happened to tolerance? ... yeah, i'm pretty much disillusioned with humans in general.  

this is a season of giving, of self, not material possessions. 

a season of sharing love & compassion, not bitching because someone doesn't greet you with the proper words.... 

yet all i see are people squabbling over possessions, words, health care, et al... 

as a race, we have forgotten that the ultimate gift is the gift of love. loving another as self.  caring for our fellow humans, wanting all to receive life, liberty, & a chance at happiness on this planet. 

when did tolerance, love, & compassion become "believe like me or shut the fuck up"??



what will the alps look like w/o ice?

deny climate change, hide your head in the sand, it will not change the facts..

"you are entitled to your own opinions, you are NOT entitled to your own facts!"
~Al Franken


snOMG, or, no i will NOT go sledding with you!

i have an aversion to massive quantities of snow ... i believe it all stems back to a sledding mishap i had as a child ... we lived at ft. bragg, north carolina for most of my childhood ... one day after a big snowfall (i believe it was 1970 and i was 8 years old) my friends and i were sledding ... mom called us in to warm up and i was to be the first on the sled when we came back outside ... the snow had iced over and i flew down the hill ... jumped the ramp ... and went to turn the sled ... the rudder was frozen ... couldn't turn ... i froze ... and didn't roll off the sled .... luckily ... a huge oak tree kept me from sliding further down the hill and flying across the pond ... it wasn't completely frozen ... the pond ... anyway ... i hit the oak head on ... literally, face to the bark .... thanks to the oak tree ... my face is lopsided ... my tooth is chipped ... but, i didn't get wet. and i am not tempted to sled anymore ... at least not in mississippi ....

evidence ... note the lop-sided nose (leaning to the left) and the chipped tooth on the right front.... .. the scars on my forehead (right between the brows) aren't as bad as they once were ... yep, i kissed a tree, and did NOT like it...

granny's scolding -- you're busted look


scars and lopsided face

chipped tooth

result of a disastrous sled outing. frozen rudder

Posted via Pixelpipe.


Afghanistan and the US troop withdrawal

please, tell me, what is so hard to understand about the POTUS message about Afghanistan?

extra troops go in, stabilize, then tell the government & residents, "it's now your baby, you rock it."

my problem lies with the last administration taking their eye off the ball by going into Iraq for reasons that were not above board. leaving the troops in Afghanistan to make do with what they had in the region. the last administration FAILED our troops that were deployed to that region.

if this strategy had been implemented eight years ago, this would be a moot point. as with any child in search of adulthood, you give the tools to make decisions, then you step back ... let them sink or swim ...

with this strategy it's not an immediate removal of all boots on the ground in one day, not even one month, but a gradual withdrawal that allows Afghanistan the chance to become a self-governing country.

can the Afghan's do this? i don't think so, that is why i felt we should get the hell out of clusterfuckistan instead of losing more troops to a cause that the people of that country will never be able to implement. but i am not the one in charge, and the current POTUS made the best of a hopeless situation by giving the people of Afghanistan a chance to govern without the Taliban dominating.


omg! sexting, breastfeeding, & idiotic issues

13-year-old Hope Witsell hanged herself after topless photos circulated

that link will take you to a tragic story ... tragic not because she took a photo of her breast ... tragic because of the way society reacted. [if your child, you, whatever is being bullied due to sexting. .. use this::

LINK BELOW "What Happened to Hope Witsell?" REMOVED BECAUSE SOMEONE THOUGHT I WAS MAKING $$ OFF THEIR 'WORK' *SHEESH* [work is a four-letter word]

The Berne Convention for the Protection of Literary and Artistic Works, Article 6bis(1), states:

    Independently of the author's economic rights, and even after the transfer of the said rights, the author shall have the right to claim authorship of the work and to object to any distortion, mutilation or other modification of, or other derogatory action in relation to, the said work, which would be PREJUDICIAL to his HONOR or REPUTATION.]

What happened to Hope Witsell? this link sums up much of my outrage ... at her parents, at the media, at society in general ...

there are so many in the country that see the body, especially the female breasts, as taboo ... be embarrassed, cover up, it's "naughty"

that is immature and wrong. even if Hope had NOT hanged herself, she would have grown up with the feeling that her body was bad, that sex and love were wrong. this was emphasized by her parents. the very one's that should have been giving her a positive response about her body, about herself ... instead they reinforced what the bully's at school were telling her "whore, slut, bad-girl" ... and thought they were "doing the right thing" by acknowledging the fundamentalist, puritanical standards of this warped, freedom-luvin' society we call the USA.

i post these photos for Hope, the child that died, and the hope of a more tolerant society...

and if this bothers you ... kiss right here.


12 Days of Christmas by C.A. Duffy

A seasonal verse by the new poet laureate Carol Ann Duffy, commissioned exclusively for Radio Times

a buzzard on a branch.

In Afghanistan,
no partridge, pear tree;
but my true love sent to me
a card from home.
I sat alone,
crouched in yellow dust,
and traced the grins of my kids
with my thumb.
Somewhere down the line,
for another father, husband,
brother, son, a bullet
with his name on.

that Shakespeare loved –
turr turr, turr turr –
endangered now
by herbicide,
the chopping down
of where they hide –
turr turr, turr turr –
hawthorn thickets,
hedgerows, woodland.
Summer's music
fainter, farther…
the spreading drought
of the Sahara.

un, deux, trois –
do not know
that French they are.

Three Welsh lambs –
un, dau, tri –
do not know
that Welsh they baa.

Newborn babies –
one, two, three –
only know
you human be.

Only know
you human be.

The Condor calls from the USA.
The Wood Stork calls from its wetlands.
The Albatross calls from the sea,
on the fourth day of Christmas.

The Yellow-eared Parrot is calling.
The Kakapo calls from NZ.
The Blue-throated Macaw is calling.
The Little Tern calls from Japan, calls
my true love sent to me.

The Corncrake is calling; the Osprey.
The Baikal Teal calls from Korea.
The Cuckoo is calling from England,
four calling birds.

bankers' profits fired in greed.

The second ring outshone the sun,
fuelled by carbon, doused by none.

Ring three was black gold, O for oil –
a serpent swallowing its tail.

The fourth ring was Celebrity;
Fool's Gold, winking on TV.

Ring five, religion's halo, slipped –
a blind for eyes or gag for lips.

With these five gold rings they you wed,
then slip them off when you are dead.

With these five go-o-o-old rings.

This goose laid Barack Obama.

I bought a magic goose from a friendly fellow.
This goose laid Fabio Capello.

I bought a magic goose from a maiden (comely).
This goose laid Joanna Lumley.

I bought a magic goose from a busker (poor).
This goose laid Anish Kapoor.

I bought a magic goose from a bargain bin, it
was the goose laid Alan Bennett.

I bought a poisoned goose from a crook (sick, whiffing).
This foul goose laid Nick Griffin.

of a broken heart, one half.

The Mersey Swans, flying
for Hillsborough, wings of justice.

Two, married and mute on the Thames,
watching The Wave.

A Swan for Adrian Mitchell
and a Swan for UA Fanthorpe,
swansongs for poetry.

The Queen's birds, paired
for life, beauty and truth.

Two milked voters to float her boat.
Three milked Parliament to flip her flat.
Four milked Government to snip her cat.
Five milked the dead for close-up tears.
Six milked the tax-payer for years and
years and years…
Seven milked the system to Botox her brow.
Eight milked herself – the selfish cow.

But the lady in the Detention Centre
does not dance.
But the honour killing lady does not dance.
But the drowned policeman's lady
does not dance.
But the lady in the filthy hospital ward
does not dance.
But the lady in Wootton Bassett does not dance.
But the gangmaster's lady does not dance.
But the lady with the pit bull terrier
does not dance.
But another dead soldier's lady
does not dance.

They sleep.

fir 'Royal Bank;
twa pipers each
fir Fred and Phil,
fir Finlay, Fraser, Frank.
Too big tae fail!
The wee dog laughed!
The dish ran awa' wi' the spoon…
We paid the bluddy pipers,
but we dinnae call the tune.

banging their warning?
On the twelfth day in Copenhagen
was global warming stopped in its tracks
by Brown and Barack and Hu Jintao,
by Meles Zenawi and Al Sabban,
by Yvo de Boer and Hedegaard?
Did they strike a match
or strike a bargain,
the politicos in Copenhagen?
Did they twiddle their thumbs?
Or hear the drums
and hear the drums
and hear the drums?


The Twelve Days of Christmas 2009 by Carol Ann Duffy appears in the bumper Christmas issue of Radio Times - find out more and order your copy online.


Radio Times


don't ya find it funny- in a sad not funny way

i am amazed at the number of people that have "awakened" to our liberties being taken away in the USA... like it just started in 2009.

these same people were probably supporters of the
seat-belt law, smoking ban, raising the legal drinking age to 21, Patriot Act, et. al. what i call "nanny laws" because others feel that adults are too stupid to make these decisions without laws.

now parents expect the government to regulate the media our children are exposed to via ratings ... because the parents don't want to be bothered with discovering what their children are being exposed to every day .. so "let the government do it"

some will say the USA has gone to hell in a hand-basket because we don't have
god** in school ... i say it's because parents are too fucking lazy to instill values, ethos, morality in their children at home, so "let the government do it"

i did not want my children and do not want my grandchildren taught by a government system what faith to follow--- that is a parental responsibility . each person has their own truth concerning faith, and that is the way it should be... not a government funded establishment teaching about our Creator.

when a citizenry allows a government to tell them how to live because it's "best for you." we lose liberty. yes, even the small inconsequential rights like choosing whether or not i will wear a
seat-belt. i began wearing one because it is smart, not because i am required by law.

** i use god with no capital letters because each person has their own god,.some it's power, sex, food, money, (ya get the picture?) for me there is my

p.s. this post is a rant in progress, i will add to it after another cup of coffee or two.


is it a "right"?

do i have the right to be treated humanely? do you have the right? what is it to treat another with decency? should i expect more for myself than i am willing to allow you? do i have the right to feel safe in my own home?

healthcare reform, troop surge, right to speak, party crashers.... all of these topics in the news go back to one simple idea...."where do my rights begin? where do yours end?"

do i have the right to expect better health care treatment [because my husband was in the right place at the right time to be hired by a company that offered insurance] than the citizen that works two or more part-time jobs, is above the poverty line. yet can't make enough $$ to afford adequate healthcare?

is that what USA is about? i have mine.... fuck you.

do i have the right to tell my neighbor what religion to practice? do i have the right to tell my neighbor what weapons to have in their house without expecting the same treatment from my neighbor?

for i believe that is what our former POTUS did in Iraq and now our current POTUS is about to ramp up in Afghanistan.

a firm believer in the best offense is a good defense ... a country should not expect to overpower another nation to force an idea that we are not willing to concede because it is our right ...

but then again, this is the USA, i got mine, and you are gonna get what i feel you "deserve"

what has our nation come to? when someone speaks an opinion different from yours they are labeled a kook, libtard, a right wingnut? granted there are quite a few idiots speaking their mind ... i could be one of them.

because the point of view is different--- is THAT a reason to dismiss it as insanity? whatever happened to intelligence? did it leave with common sense ? now i admit i do have a term i like to use for those that get their information from one general source (point of view) and refuse to see that there is more than one truth ... i call them "dittoheads" for that is what i hear ... the same pile of verbal diarrhea spit out verbatim as the next dittohead ... no thought, no reasoning, no comprehension of the damage that might occur because you refuse to think for yourself ...

yet in the good ole USA do as i say, not as i do.....

which brings me to the dittoheads that went uninvited to the POTUS's first state dinner.

... they should be ashamed & should be punished ... for simply entering where they were not invited ... for disregarding the first rule of humanity ... that we feel safe in our own home.


Location:E Railroad Ave,Wesson,United States


next life—bear

found this about 2003—every time i shave my legs, i think of this lil story, author unknown....

In this life I'm a woman.

In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six

I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.

I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of
walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly

I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...gonna be a bear.




And we dance
To a whispered voice
Overheard by the soul
Undertook by the heart
And you may know it
If you may know it

~Neil Diamond



intervention for internet - 2008 march

weeeelll, it happened....my family has officially gone off the deep end.....
a few evenings ago valorie, our daughter-age 25, walked out on the porch where i was sitting with my laptop and took it from me; following her was my husband, tom, and our son ty,27, along with my 5 year old grandson, gavin.
they all sat down and looked at me....i removed my glasses and blinked back at them ... it was dark and i'd been staring at the computer screen for a bit...

"mom," began ty, "this is an intervention." i immediately reached for my budlight and hugged it to my chest...if they thought i was going to let go of my beer, weeeelll, they were sadly mistaken. tom stopped me, "no honey, it's not the beer." whew, what a relief and i lunged for my djarum's and lighter........ val smiled and said, "you can keep your djarum's also, that's not the problem, either." i bolted out of my rocker and headed for the back door to go inside and grab my meds....i'll be damn if they were taking my ultram ... and paxil and allegra and and celebrex and zanaflex.....oxycontin i gave up on my own...but dammit, taking my ultram is just tooooooo much....this is where i draw the line..............

"MEMA!!!!," gavin shouted as i knocked him to the floor...."you're spending too much time on the computer!!"

oooooohhhhh, so that's the reason for the intervention; my *addiction* to su bothers them ,... hmmmmmm. before i *found* su in december 2007, i was constantly told, "i hear ya mom", "okay, mema, i hear ya," "it's alright honey, i heard ya the first time."

AND NOW, they are telling me i don't TALK TO THEM ENOUGH.......... geeeeezzzz, damn if i do, damn if i don't ; i bet they'd also complain if i tied 'em up and beat 'em with a new rope....

25 jul 2008:
i showed them , i went a whole week without stumbling more than 30 minutes a day [okay wasn't voluntary] .... because my dsl was messed up and i had to go to the library to use internet ... so maybe it wasn't voluntary, but it was a feat of super-human strength and endurance ... by the time i got back online at the house .... the whole family was much happier that i was on the pc once again.


forgot just how beautiful this photo is ... and the song and vid i put with it ... thanks to whoever tu'ed it and brought it back to the what's new page.

flashback 4 months ....

just one more before i go.....

which reminds me ooof:

Words & Music - Graham Nash
copyright 1977, Thin Ice Music, ASCAP.

Just a song before I go,
To whom it may concern.
Travelling twice the speed of sound
It's easy to get burned.

When the shows were over
We had to get back home,
And when we opened up the door
I had to be alone.

She helped me with my suitcase,
She stands before my eyes
Driving me to the airport,
And to the friendly skies.

Going through security
I held her for so long.
She finally looked at me in love,
And she was gone.

Just a song before I go,
A lesson to be learned.
Travelling twice the speed of sound
It's easy to get burned.


Crosby, Stills, Nash - Vocals
Graham Nash - Acoustic Piano
Stephen Stills - Electric Guitar
David Crosby - Acoustic Guitar
Russ Kunkel - Drums and Percussion
Tim Drummond - Bass
Joe Vitale - Electric Piano

thx to my fav 0 * M * England UKbunny

how to train a hubby, ugh, puppy


follow-up to 11 secrets

does anyone recall the title of an old sandra dee film about newlyweds? well i found it , When a Man Answers
little sandra was having trouble adjusting to the fact that the "boyfriend/fiance" , who obeyed every wish as though it were a command, had turned into a "husband", who seemed tone deaf to her tone.
her wise mother gave her a little book, that when followed, would have her partner eating out of her hand once again as a dutiful partner should.

two points stuck in my young mind the first time i saw this training film:

1--positively reward the 'good' behavior you wish to see repeated.

many times all it takes is a scratch behind the ear, or a sweet innocent pat on the head.

2-- when 'bad' behavior occurs--immediately scold offender JUST ONCE for use of the bad behavior; and then completely ignore offender for a short time. [if the offender is ignored for too long, he will seek attention from another trainer]


you want the trainee to know that when this type of behavior occurs, he will not receive your love and affection.

--the book was "How to Train Your New Puppy"

I have had one husband and many dogs during my 47 years of life.no matter how wonderful and cute they are to begin with, all must be handled with TLC and consistent, proper handling to ensure a lifetime of well-behaved, domestic bliss.

the dogs have always been so much easier to housebreak.

hubby dear, at the tender age of 55, is STILL a work in progress.


god, hitchhiking, fear

just saw a poll, concerning "keep god in the pledge" --- anytime i see that --- keep god here or there ... i look around and wonder ... who's god ? ... money? power? sex? the christian god? the islamic god? which religion? which faith? which god?

when we allow "god back into school" do you realize that satan is also a god to some people? in the USA a person has just as much right to worship satan as any other religion.... do you realize that putting "god" back in school literally opens up pandora's box??? ....

"in god we trust" on our currency, is very appropriate in this day and age ... for many worship the power that money brings ...

"one nation under god" ... on our Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag ... brings to mind again ... what god are we under? what god would want us to deny the suffering we see on a daily basis, and protect our measly earthly treasures?

many of our religions send money and missionaries to other countries ... overlooking the suffering in their own yard ... people fight to stop abortions... never wondering about the fate of so many abused, neglected, unloved children already in existence .... people fight to keep "their health care" .... never worrying about those who die needlessly ... this is the United States of America ... what happened to "give us your tired, your poor"??

what happened to theses citizens of a once proud country?

is it really all about "me-me-me-me"?

do you really ignore the suffering in the search of your "one nation under god" ??

researching the origins & motives of certain laws passed in the USA, i've discovered that most were written in fear ... fear of the different, fear of "coloured people" ie, abortion (white women were using it as a means of birth control in late 1800's to provide better life for family), drug laws (via the Harrison Tax Act), and "under god" due to integration ...

i was told by a friend, when he read the post about me picking up an unknown man and giving him a ride across louisiana .... "this isn't 1960!!" no, it's not ... but what's wrong with helping a person in need? what's wrong with compassion? should i be so afraid for myself, that i put on blinders and shut out the suffering of my fellow beings?

is that what my Creator intended for me? NO

is that what your Creator intended for you? only you can answer that question....

the preamble of the US Constitution says more to me than any other material written by humanity:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

those that wrote the Constitution never once mentioned anyone's god in the Preamble, and i imagine they were afraid, more afraid than you or i, they were fighting to create a country of freedom.

while today ... we fight to "nanny law" the hell out of our neighbor.

science, faith, one

humans, such a strange lot .... seeking answers, looking for reasons, some of us, just looking for excuses .... why do i exist? where do i go now? how do i know this is the right choice? where will i go ... when it all ends?


we seek answers, and call it science... we seek love, and call it chaos ... we answer lust, only to find madness and fear ....for in seeking solutions .... we must make one assumption ... one basis of belief ... that "one" exists .... in the mathematical sense ... in the spiritual sense .... whether you chose religion, faith, science ... or none of the above ... it all comes down to the theory of "one" and of existence ...

what is the next step?
looking to religion?
looking to science?
looking to faith?

no human can give the answer ... no written text, or story told, is untainted by humanities emotions , humans seeking absolution, seeking reasons that will make the decisions okay, taking blame out of human hands and placing it on another--

"i was forced to react this way because ... yadayadayada."

i make choices, i live with the consequence ... it's called life.

i was taught excuses are statements that i make up, & quite often truly believe, to cover the fact that i fucked up ... royally at times...

while reasons ... those are the basis on which i form choices ... good or bad, they are mine, i own them completely .... yes, some of my actions are a direct result of the situation i find myself in, and how other humans react to my choices, but it all comes down to the choices i made to reach that crossroad .... and no one is to responsible for my actions, no one but ME.

do you exist? are you still just waiting for the next big thing to move you along this path?


it's okay to be easily distracted as you age

thanks jonathan for leading me here----wonderful reasoning on why i can't remember names and why you should ALWAYS read my blog and swim in my vast ocean of knowledge[beware the riptides; dispensed wisdom is always better after the first cocktail has settled into my system--i see you're a skeptic, eh? ask me after the third one, i'm sure i can convince you........]. as i tell my family....if ya want to know what happened yesterday ask me about it in a year...............

    the page: "It may be that destractibility is not, in fact, a bad thing," said Shelley H. Carson, a psychology researcher at Harvard whose work was cited in the book. "It may increase the amount of information available to the conscious mind."
    "A broad attention span may enable older adults to ultimately know more about a situation and the indirect message of what's going on than their younger peers," Dr. Hasher said. "We believe that this characteristic may play a significant role in why we think of older people as wiser."

    "If older people are taking in more information from a situation, and they're then able to combine it with their comparatively greater store of general knowledge, they're going to have a nice advantage."

AND THIS IS A SHORT EXPLANATION of WHY I CAN NEVER STAY ON-TOPIC.........in my universe one thing leads to another, that to another, and around i go until eventually my mind returns to the first topic which i believe was [don't correct me if i'm wrong, cause i'll only argue and throw a hissy fit while laughing at your audacity of TRYING to change my mind] sex......

advice on raisin' those babies

wrote this in 22.05.2008, but some of my mf'ahs are having lil' chaps of their own so i'm bringing it to the front once again.

i have noticed a lot of people that have young kids or new kids or soon-to-be around kids here...to those that "have" -- where do ya find the time? and to those "about-to-have"...go ahead and give it up now....

i started out to share a bit of advice my great-grandmother gave me when she found out i was making her a great to the second power grandmother....here goes:

1] take lots of pictures....hang them on the wall---when these precious angels become teenagers it will help control the urge to knock the shit out of them [her words-not mine, although they have become mine]

2] never say never---your babes will always bring ya to your knees....to clean their scrapes, to pray for their safety, or in humility -- 'cause the little shits did just what you swore to your know-it-all mother(in-law) ;
"my children will NEVER be allowed to DO THAT!"

3] never swat a fly above your head on the screen porch with your mouth open---- i don't know what this one has to do with children---except maybe keep the flyswat handy.... or as my oldest, ty, referred to it ----- a ty-swatter---- for killing a fly is legal and a great way to release anger, either way they are very wise words - as i found out later in life.....the damnable little flying bastards pop straight back towards my face.......so may i also add, don't swat a fly above your head on the screen porch with your mouth open or a low cut blouse on....

with love to all those with children under the age of 25.....remember it ain't an empty nest till they are out of the house for AT LEAST 5 years.

Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts

civilization, improvement, humanity, moral sense, moral obligation, my brothers keeper, promote the general welfare ...

just re-read a book i had totally forgotten about... one of twain's last writings that was pieced together after his death ... discussing life, faith, religion, civilization ... it is just as relevant today as it was 100+ years ago... and that, makes me very pity the paths society has taken .. and the chances we waste daily to be better.

this is taken from Mark Twain's "Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts" first book, "the Chronicles of Young Satan" pp.134- 138; S.L. Clemens; University of California Press, Berkeley & Los Angeles, USA; 1969.

in the following paragraphs, satan, is the son of the fallen angel, lucifer, is explaining to young boys, in 1702 austria, the progress of civilization... satan is also known as "phillip traum" "quarante-quatre" and "number 44 , new series 864,962"

So, with a thought, he turned the place into the Garden of Eden, and we saw Abel praying by his altar; then Cain came walking toward him with his club, and did not seem to see us, and would have stepped on my foot if I had not drawn it in. He spoke to his brother in a language which we did not understand; then he grew violent and threatening, and we knew what was going to happen, and turned away our heads for the moment; but we heard the crash of the blows and heard the shrieks and the groans; then there was silence, and we saw Abel dying in his blood and gasping out his life, and Cain standing over him and looking down at him, vengeful and unrepentant.


Next-we had Egyptian wars, Greek wars, Roman wars, hideous drenchings of the earth with blood; and we saw the treacheries of the Romans toward the Carthaginians, and the sickening spectacle of the massacre of those brave people. Also we saw Caesar invade Britain-"not that those barbarians had done him any harm, but because he wanted their land, and desired to confer the blessings of civilization upon their widows and orphans," as Satan explained.

Next, Christianity was born. Then ages of Europe passed in review before us, and we saw Christianity and Civilization march hand in hand through those ages, "leaving famine and death and desolation in their wake; and other signs of the progress of the human race," as Satan observed. And always we had wars, and more wars, and still other wars-all over Europe, all over the world. "Sometimes in the private interest of royal families," Satan said, "sometimes to crush a weak nation; but never a war started by the aggressor for any clean purpose-there is no such war in the history of the race."

"Now," said Satan, "you have seen your progress down to the present, and you must confess that it is wonderful-in its way. We must now exhibit the future." He showed us slaughters more terrible in their destruction of life, more devastating in their engines of war, than any we had seen.

"You perceive," he said, "that you have made continual progress. Cain did his murder with a club; the Hebrews did their murders with javelins and swords; the Greeks and Romans added protective armor and the fine arts of military organization and generalship; the Christian has added guns and gun' powder; a few centuries from now he will have so greatly improved the deadly effectiveness of his weapons of slaughter that all men will confess that without Christian civilization war must have remained a poor and trifling thing to the end of time."


"It is a remarkable progress. In five or six thousand years five or six high civilizations have risen, flourished, commanded the wonder of the world, then faded out and disappeared; and not one of them except the latest ever invented any sweeping and adequate way to kill people. They all did their best-to kill being the chiefest ambition of the human race and the earliest incident in its history-but only the Christian civilization has scored a triumph to be proud of. Two or three centuries from now it will be recognized that all the competent killers are Christians; then the pagan world will go to school to the Christian-not to acquire his religion, but his guns. The Turk and the Chinaman will buy those to kill missionaries and converts with."

can we be better than this?

you can find the complete book of "The Chronicles of Young Satan" at shau.edu

bikini-clad empress or.. my decision to partake in world domination

this began 28 march of 2008 it all started easily enough ---my decision to take over the world ...starting with this sweetie's country ... i stumbled across a fellow su'er and saw this in his profile:
"90 yr old from australia---Member since Aug 22, 2005 America: If I said you had a beautiful body would you promise not to invade my country?"

always one to seek a compliment....for i was created to be adored...i sent a message: okay i won't invade but i demand my compliment and you are very well preserved..

my fellow su'er sent:
Damn you have a beautiful body! such delightful honesty makes me blush....me thinks i have a *new crush*
(Is that enough? Will that do? Please don't invade me.)
Yes, I sure am well preserved. ON the other hand I may be lying yeah, i think he's lying about the *well-preserved* cause botox-docs would be alllllll over the down-under land

i wrote back:
but you seem like invading would be fun!!!
i have noticed from your pages you like dem nekkid pictures...so here is one for you....enjoy,

lucky monkey
he: Yeah, that's not really my kind of nekkid picture :) lying Also, no we are not fun to invade. Not fun at all. These are not the droids you are looking for. now here is where i know he is lying again , when i invade there are no guns, bondage, or incarceration, unless you beg.....really well........i demand perfection when you beg..................

me: oohhhh well, cross that one off [the invading] my list of things to do ;)

he: Phew. Close call. (The invading). once again lying.....i know he wants to be subjugated.....PS You'll be pleased to know that you are only the second woman to send me nekkid photos. No, wait, third.
just don't understand the world not wanting the u.s. to invade their country....see how well it worked out for iraq? we know the world wants to be just like us...arrogant,ignorant,overweight,useless [and that's just the vowels-oh wait forgot e....]evangelical can't foget the fundies.....whew, that was close if i had forgotten how godfearing we were i would be run out on a plank and sent to canada--heard that's a nice place.cheers, michelle

ps. sorry i didn't understand your *type* ; ) of nekkid picture...and until su i really didn't realize how many people felt the need for photos to get off....all i ever needed was music and eeeeemmmmmmaaagggggiiiinnnnashuuuunnnn...okay if ya don't watch a lot of spongebob that's probably lost on ya. tata

lol Wow, I think I am all turned around on the whole invasion issue. How could I not have seen the benefits? I have been so blind.
Come on down, America. more than happy to We will leave the lights on for you. Hang on a sec while we bend over.
Oh, I realize why you covet Australia so much - it is an enormous country with a small population. Plenty of secluded places to dig great big holes. You know, if, for example, you wished to dispose of a whole swag of evangelicals. Or lawyers. Or GWB.
Unfortunately I have no imagination. If you need proof of this, may I please refer you to
{--he listed his website, witholding information for security purposes....he will be my under-lord when i invade--don't want his fellow country men/women/stuff to know his identity just yet}

part 2

me: seeeeeee, invasion is not that bad, no need for the lights--don't ya know dick & buch control the sun so i'll just get in touch with them about the timing....i'm sure he will see it in the u.s. best interest....butt, if ya wanted me to kiss ya ass there's no need to bend over toooo far, i'm only 5'4" ...my degree is in mathematics but it's almost 5 o'clock here welll 3:40 close enuf and the budlights flowing....and i'm refusing to do that new-fangled math...dammit i'm from the south...the world revolves around me....where was i....oh yeah, the big holes....the universe knows we have enough idiots to fill .... i don't think your country is big enough...i might need to invade china, russia or some such other really large landmass........hmmmm second thought thanks for the compliment about the beautiful body...but i need more land.
ps i get really typative when i drink

i meant dick & buSh
he replied:
I saw your second message first and thought, "Dick and bush? Is michelle still talking about nekkid photos?"
Anyway, does Bush have to bend over to make the sun shine. You know, because of where it shines out of?
Yes, it is true that China and Russia also have enormous tracts of land, however what you need to remember is that Australia only has a population of 20 million, and most of those live on the coast - so lots and lots of EMPTY space.
We're talking absolute prime moron disposal potential here.
Need I go on? I think not.

i replied:
okay, NOW i'm confuzzed.....do i invade or not? i had rationalized myself to leaving my sweet aussies alone and now you have made such a good argument FOR invasion....shit, now i'm gonna havta think. dammitta hell. it's 3:30 in the morn.....i'll reconsider after my first beer later this afternoon.....
and yeah, bush bends over but only with direct orders from dick

Yes. I mean NO. I mean sure. I mean.... stuff.
dear {name witheld}
after careful consideration i have decided, invasion would be a good/bad thing at this moment...spread the word to your friends and countrymen/women/roo's there is no need to be afraid, granny is/not invading tomorrow.

him: Dear Memachelle,
We thank you for your interest in our country. Unfortunately/fortunately we are not/are looking for an invading hoarde [ i have never hoarde., because i've never charged] at this time.
Sincerely/Bugger off
{and signed his name and aka's}
well, i don't know what to tell ya, ben.....your alter ego has done a sufficiently good job in adequately muddling the point......i sit in my rocker on the porch [watching the rain fall] pondering the possibility of an invasion and wonder if it would be financially feasible to take you [australia] under my firm guidance and supervision ...... it's a beautiful spring day here with temps in the 70's [that 23 degrees for you stubborn types] and was told that the temp in your area was decidedly cooler at this time......therefore, since i am most definitely a warm weather, sun luving gal, i will wait until the weather warms up down under before i initiate my invasion.......and i'm going on holiday tomorrow and will be on the beach basking in the beautiful sun on the emerald coast of sunny florida.....
wishing you warm weather and smiles from mississippi your future beloved-leader,
her-holy-high-priestess-goddess-on-earth-that-has-blessed-the-mere-universe-with-her-royal-presence.......aka michelle/granny/mema
i think i need to shorten the title....i know it's too much for americans to get out --that's why i also answer to bitch...

part 3

oh, and i think i recall that you have child(ren) hmmm...here is a bit of parenting advice my great-grandmother gave me ......it'll be like 29 years ago this fall....hope it helps, since you are a computer guru and might need help with parenting skill until i arrive for my ascension to the title of her-holy-high-priestess-goddess-on-earth-that-has-blessed-the-mere-universe-with-her-royal-presence when the weather warms up in your country ..... i am a vast ocean of knowledge which i am happy to share....it makes my family happy, the more i type the less i talk...
her-holy-high-priestess-goddess-on-earth-that-has-blessed-the-mere-universe-with-her-royal-presence but you can call me bitch.....
ps all this ruling-the-earth business has caused a mental-pause....i didn't send the link

advice on *raising children*

he :
23. That sounds pretty cold.

Anyway, I am pleased to have muddied the waters. ;)

I enjoyed your parenting advice. Shall endeavour to avoid swatting flies high up while wearing a low cut blouse.

Isn't it amazing how well the words "low" and "cut" go together. Low. Cut. Low cut. Excellent.

PS: I don't think I will feel comfortable calling you "bitch".
PS Do you post all of your conversations?

only those that i find very funny and rated g at best pg....some of my conversations would not be fit for *polite* company.....was going to ask if it was okay....buuuuttt, the old adage...it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, is my motto....when it comes to most everything .... ;) i did try to remove any *names* to protect the sender [uuuhhh, that's means you] ;) hope ya don't mind......
ps...give it time ... seems the name bitch just rooooolllls off the tongue of those who know me best....it's just a dimunitave of " i love you being-in-total-control-honey"....i doooo soooooo luv control, unless i'm tied down....then i'm really happy with that too..... but it's also shortened form of "you damn bitch how in the hell did you think you were going to get away with that!!!! have you lost your f'king mind?"

ps: just read this statement "Isn't it amazing how well the words "low" and "cut" go together. Low. Cut. Low cut. Excellent." i'm easily destracted......but i found it's okay old age
...where was i oooooo yeah, low-cut.....kinda-like well-hung....just rrrrrroolllls of the tongue ;)
now do you understand how easy my decision was to take over the world?...starting with australia


mema holiday

left for galveston early friday morning, 07 august 09 ... right outside of hammond, louisiana i picked up a hitchhiker ... his name was michael...

michael had lived a long time, more than his years ... and was very sick, the smell of unwashed body was evident, but what was more noticeable was the smell of death.

as i drove and michael talked, his life unfolded ... he wanted to return to texas. that was where his happiest times were, in texas with his father.

michael had dropped out of school in the 7th grade, and went to work with his dad, escaping an addicted, abusive mother. his father had died 12 years earlier and michael buried him in their hometown of bogulousa, in louisiana. now, michael just wanted to get to texas... and i know, he knew his time was short ... he told me he expected it to take at least 2 weeks to get across louisiana, and was so happy when he found out i was going all the way to galveston... so happy he cried.

i've been told all my driving life "don't pick people up from the side of the road," by everyone...

when i am too scared to help my fellow man, i will cease to exist, i will no longer be michelle ... and i'm not ready to give up caring and kindness ...

he told me of his travels all over the world, of the kindness of strangers, of the love of his father, never once speaking ill of those that passed him by or left him to walk in the southern heat. the only negative he ever mentioned was his mother, and that was only in passing, to explain why he left school, and left home to travel with his father around the world.

jobs were closing to him, the new TWIC process was beyond his financial capabilities, and death was close, it was in the smell, from the odor i guessed lung cancer, with the jobs he had, possibly mesothelioma ... what ever it was, he was measuring life in days.

i dropped him off at a public library and got someone to help him get online so he could find a shelter in the area... and went on to galveston, feeling that day, i was blessed having met michael.

too often we pass people in our lives, people that if given the chance, remind us of just how beautiful life is, people we would otherwise never meet. open your heart, open your eyes, life is waiting.

i made the trip across louisiana in record time ... it's easy to do when you're holding your breathe ... thankfully i wasn't stopped for speeding


loss of health coverage in usa since 01 jan 08


never kiss a monkey or send me chain emails

this is what i send to those that forward those day'umnable group emails ... hate that .. soooo much ...

flashback mar 01, 2008 --

this was sent to me in an email - with the caption "never kiss a monkey" -- [my thought "what would possess me to want to kiss a monkey?] ...i had posted this a few months ago but couldn't find it when i looked to send to a friend.

after laughing i came to the realization that if humans could do this we as a race would be extinct......to find out why there are still baby monkeys populating the earth i asked my grandson.....[didn't tell him why i have this question, my perversions have not progressed that far yet]---he just has all the right answers....like why the sky's blue....his words, "because i looked at it and it was."

so -- here's the answer to why ? [about the monkeys]
well, i now know why monkeys are not extinct. [refer to the picture of 'lucky monkey'] when my g-bb's came to visit i posed the q of "why are there baby monkey's?"
to Gavin,4. considering the fact that monkeys can pleasure themselves manually and orally,i knew humans would be extinct if we had these abilities.[now i'm not deranged enough (yet) to bring this part of my thought process to the attention of my g-son.]
he gazed at me with a wise,pitying look and said,"Mema, baby monkeys are sooooo keeeewwwt." as the big brother to a 3month old, he turned from me and mumbled with exasperation, "wish Mom had had a monkey, or at least a puppy."



so many are discussing the pros and cons of the proposed healthcare for USA

i don't want to lose the bit of coverage i have left ... i don't want to pay a higher price for said coverage ...
BUT i do know that there is a vast number of hard working, taxpaying citizens that have NO healthcare coverage at all ...

imagine being a single mom, working 2 jobs, trying to make ends meet, and discovering a lump in your breast... no insurance and little time means no mammogram or doctor visit to have the lump examined ...'


ignore and pray for the best,

use the money for the electric bill to pay for mammogram.

if this mom chooses the first option, and the lump is malignant, not only is her chance of survival greatly diminished, but the burden of supporting her orphaned children will fall on the USA taxpayer....

with so few adoptions of older children taking place in this "me" society, the chance these children will grow up to depend on the "system" for the rest of their adult life is high, either through welfare, or imprisonment ...

this is just one example of what our caste-based healthcare system offers in the USA, can we really afford NOT to make a change???


to pee standing up

when valorie was a toddler, she wanted to pee standing up, just like her big brother and uncle brad (both were 2 and 1/2 years older than valorie) ... trying to explain to a two year old that peeing standing up wasn't all that great was difficult when she saw the guys peeing on a tree and then go back to playing while she had to stop playing and go inside for a potty break ....

when she got older, i told her this story, the same story my great-grandmother told me when i was old enough to appreciate the fullness of being a female..

god was passing out his gifts to adam and eve and came to the last two in his bag ... he pulled out the ability to pee standing up ... adam jumped up and down with joy, "oh, memememememem, if i could pee standing up then the creatures of earth wouldn't make fun of me any more .... ohohoh please, please, let me have that gift."

eve looked at god and said, "go ahead, it looks like this would just make his day... i'll take what is left in the bag."

so adam received the ability to pee standing up.

god reached into the bag and said, "well, this is the last gift i have to offer you my children, and eve ... the ability for multiple orgasms is now yours."

so now you know what a woman is saying when you hear "praise the lord"



17 July 2000 ~ the day i chose to die ...

there was a time, when i decided .... i was through with life ... the joy and the sorrow, the pleasure and the pain, the light and the dark ...as you probably guessed, i failed at this endeavor also ...

i did NOT make the decision without a lot of thought ... in '93-'94, i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis ... then on 04 March 1999 i was injured, my right hip was forever weakened... the sciatic nerve was irreversibly scarred causing pain that is present to this day, which is why i use a canadian-crutch and a service animal. ... never sure when my leg will give out and i hit the ground ... searing pain followed by complete loss of the right leg ... not a feeling one ever becomes accustomed to no matter how many times a day i kiss dirt.

i was taking oxycontin for the pain of RA and the sciatic nerve .... my dosage was not working anymore, and i saw no reason to continue living... i was a physical, financial, and emotional drain on my family and i knew they would be better off if i was no longer in this existence ...

on 17 July 2000 at 15:00 CDST i took a bottle of wine and a bottle of muscle relaxers and lay down ...

i have NEVER known such peace as i did that day, knowing that it was over .... or so i thought, Tom found me, took me to the ER and i spent a few days there followed by a week in "lock-down" in the nut-ward at St Dominics in Jackson.... when they put me with gen pop, .... sheeeezzzz ...

there i learned:
1) most psychiatrists haven't a clue about life;
2) the psych aides know even less;
3) people, there are some fuktarded NUTJOBS on this planet ... and most are doing it just to get a government check.

i told the doc's what they wanted to hear, and got out after a week.

but it took 4.5 years before i knew i was over the oxy addiction and past the depression ... not easy on anyone ... especially my family ... once again, i was hurting the one's i was trying to spare ...

Why me Lord, what have I ever done
To deserve even one
Of the pleasures I've known?
Tell me Lord, what did I ever do
That was worth lovin' you
Or the kindness you've shown?
Lord help me Jesus,
I've wasted it so
Help me Jesus I know what I am
But now that I know that
I've needed you so Help me Jesus,
my soul's in your hand.

Try me Lord,
if you think there's a way
I can try to repay
All I've taken from you.
Maybe Lord,
I can show someone else
What I've been through myself
On my way back to you.

words ~Kris Kristofferson

someday never comes

how many times have you said, "not today ... but, someday, i will"???

"i don't know enough, i'm not good enough, when i'm in better shape, when i know what to expect"

soon, too soon, all your "somedays" are gone.

you wake up and realize, you've "someday-ed" your life away.

First thing I remember was asking papa why
For there were many things I didn't know.
And daddy always smiled and took me by the hand
Saying someday you'll understand.

Well I'm here to tell you now each and every mother's son
That you better learn it fast you better learn it young
'Cause someday never comes.

Well time and tears went by and I collected dust.
For there were many things I didn't know.
When daddy went away, he said, try to be a man,
And someday you'll understand.

Well, I'm here...
And then one day in April, I wasn't even there,
For there were many things I didn't know.
A son was born to me. Mama held his hand,
sayin' someday you'll understand.

Well, I'm here...
Think it was September, the year I went away,
For there were many things I didn't know.
And still I see him standing tryin' to be a man,
I said, someday you'll understand.

Well, I'm here to tell you now, each and every mother's son,
That you better learn it fast, you better learn it young,
'Cause someday never comes.

lyrics ~ creedence clearwater revival


lazy sunday

i adore days like these, house is empty...light rain falling... just me & a good book (& ranger, ocassionally Tom.)

*le sigh*

yes, that is a "granny" house dress, i'm old & have earned the RIGHT to wear one all day.

-- it's summer, no time for the pc/laptop -- so using the iphone


Lake Lincoln, Mississippi


Ranger, Michelle (me), Jaxon ... just woke up ... and we wouldn't let him chase the ducks into the water.
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g-babes & mema 2009 July


on Gavin's 6th birthday, Mississippi

left to right:Gavin, CJ, Eli, Jaxon, Mema (me), Nolan
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The Brooks Bunch


Tom's family on his Dad's 83rd birthday ... yes, we enjoy sex, and procreated like rabbits ... Tom is one of six children ... the only one missing was his oldest brother Billy, he's always late ...
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Easter 2009

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on the bench, Jaxon & Valorie, Gavin on the tricycle ...
standing, left to right, Ty & wife Tiffany, me, & Tom


why i will be banned from mingling with gen pop

this lil encounter happened on 29 March 2009 ::

so, went to get cigarettes yesterday ... pulled into a parking space and went in -- got my ciggies and walked out ... there were 3 different vehicles that did not bother parking legally (though the spaces nearest the mart were open) but instead pulled in at various angles blocking me in where i was parked LEGALLY ...

as i was trying to back out a woman of about 60 who was standing in the parking lot talking to a man of about 40yo asked if she should move her car. i said "why bother, obviously you are too lazy, stupid, and pathetic to park correctly in the first place as are the other two morons that you are standing there talking too"

one of the men shouted "FUCK YOU, BITCH" KISS MY ASS!!" ... YOU CAN’T TALK TO MY MOTHER LIKE THAT !!"

to which i replied ..."you'd never get the chance, no i won't, and that explains you're stupidity."

he started walking toward the truck, so i pulled BACK into my parking space and as i was opening the door got my phone and began dialing the police ...


i laughed and told Ranger to come on .... he had remained in the truck while i went into the tobacco mart ...

Ranger jumped out of the truck and looked at the man .... who - to have been so angry and aggressive one moment ago- moved pretty day'mn fast away from me and back to his vehicle .... as his momma and the other guy were running to their respective forms of transportation ... with the momma screaming ..."i got sick grandbabies in the car --- that's why i parked in the way!!!"

one day i will get my butt kicked ... well, probably shot ... no one will come close enuf to hit me ... but i will never learn ...

... it was hilarious ... and i was left standing in the parking lot by myself laughing like a maniacal fool ... with a bunch of shop-keepers staring at me from the store-fronts ... guess they (shop-keeps) were wondering if it was safe to come out.... AND they (fuktards) all had handicap tags and/or placards hanging from their rear view window ... but it must NOT have been a mobility handicap ... cuz the fuktards moved WAY too fast for that to be the case.



black hole sun

Hang my head
Drown my fear
Till you all
just disappear

from black hole sun ~soundgarden

humans...spending our time on this earth building walls...
walls to keep stuff safe: possessions, feelings, family.

but why?

to me that is the question, not "what is the meaning of life?"

the only thing that is truly MINE, is my soul and how i perceive life ...
the rest are just superficial trappings of a puny earthling...

i own nothing on this planet except my mind, my soul, my heart, call it what you will.

the rest moves in and out of my grasp.

i build walls around my life, have since the age of six, it's easier that way ...
never letting life's vagrancies enter into my reality ...

into my perception of "me"

is it good? no, i miss out on a lot that this existence has to offer.

is it wise? yes, it minimizes the pain of having no control of life.

when i do open my being, let the wall slip,
i pray for the relief of numbness ...
for the feeling that i am alone in this existence ...

do i blame anyone? no, this is my life, and only i hold the key to how i see my reality.

only i hold the key to my contentment.


heaven is in your mind

i've walked in & out of life, for so many years... trying to always do the "right thing" for others... i've forgotten what it's like to simply take what i need for me.

that supremely selfish time of teendom was denied to me, by so many outside forces that i gave up ever hoping to achieve the purely selfish act of looking out for number one. my wants, my needs, my desires.

the celebration of my nation's Independence Day has brought with it a personal epiphany.

i will take heaven when & where it is offered, my time has come.

You ride on the swing in and out of the bars
Capturing moments of life in a jar
Playing with children, acting as stars
Guiding your vision to heaven and heaven is in your mind
Take extra care not to lose what you feel
The apple you're eating is simple and real
Water the flowers that grow at your heel
Guiding your vision to heaven and heaven is in your mind

(Steve Winwood/Jim Capaldi/Chris Wood)


all my life-- foo fighters

these words....

All my life I've been searching for somethin
Somethin never comes, never leads to nothin
Nothin satisfies, but I'm gettin close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope

All night long I dream of the day
When it comes around, and it's takin away
Leaves me with the feelin that I fear the most
Feel it come to life when I see your ghost



what the fuck!?!?!

just when i think i have a handle on hubby & his man-o-pause... the she'att hits the fan..

women are never this tempermental, & he struck the motherlode when i had to have an emergency hysterectomy at 24yo... ie, no pms for last 23 years.


for the record (pay no attention to what the rest of my family says--they're jealous cuz i'm so perfect), i am an absolute angel to live with, so i KNOW it's not my fault.

-- it's summer, no time for the pc/laptop -- so using the iphone