so many are discussing the pros and cons of the proposed healthcare for USA

i don't want to lose the bit of coverage i have left ... i don't want to pay a higher price for said coverage ...
BUT i do know that there is a vast number of hard working, taxpaying citizens that have NO healthcare coverage at all ...

imagine being a single mom, working 2 jobs, trying to make ends meet, and discovering a lump in your breast... no insurance and little time means no mammogram or doctor visit to have the lump examined ...'


ignore and pray for the best,

use the money for the electric bill to pay for mammogram.

if this mom chooses the first option, and the lump is malignant, not only is her chance of survival greatly diminished, but the burden of supporting her orphaned children will fall on the USA taxpayer....

with so few adoptions of older children taking place in this "me" society, the chance these children will grow up to depend on the "system" for the rest of their adult life is high, either through welfare, or imprisonment ...

this is just one example of what our caste-based healthcare system offers in the USA, can we really afford NOT to make a change???


to pee standing up

when valorie was a toddler, she wanted to pee standing up, just like her big brother and uncle brad (both were 2 and 1/2 years older than valorie) ... trying to explain to a two year old that peeing standing up wasn't all that great was difficult when she saw the guys peeing on a tree and then go back to playing while she had to stop playing and go inside for a potty break ....

when she got older, i told her this story, the same story my great-grandmother told me when i was old enough to appreciate the fullness of being a female..

god was passing out his gifts to adam and eve and came to the last two in his bag ... he pulled out the ability to pee standing up ... adam jumped up and down with joy, "oh, memememememem, if i could pee standing up then the creatures of earth wouldn't make fun of me any more .... ohohoh please, please, let me have that gift."

eve looked at god and said, "go ahead, it looks like this would just make his day... i'll take what is left in the bag."

so adam received the ability to pee standing up.

god reached into the bag and said, "well, this is the last gift i have to offer you my children, and eve ... the ability for multiple orgasms is now yours."

so now you know what a woman is saying when you hear "praise the lord"



17 July 2000 ~ the day i chose to die ...

there was a time, when i decided .... i was through with life ... the joy and the sorrow, the pleasure and the pain, the light and the dark ...as you probably guessed, i failed at this endeavor also ...

i did NOT make the decision without a lot of thought ... in '93-'94, i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis ... then on 04 March 1999 i was injured, my right hip was forever weakened... the sciatic nerve was irreversibly scarred causing pain that is present to this day, which is why i use a canadian-crutch and a service animal. ... never sure when my leg will give out and i hit the ground ... searing pain followed by complete loss of the right leg ... not a feeling one ever becomes accustomed to no matter how many times a day i kiss dirt.

i was taking oxycontin for the pain of RA and the sciatic nerve .... my dosage was not working anymore, and i saw no reason to continue living... i was a physical, financial, and emotional drain on my family and i knew they would be better off if i was no longer in this existence ...

on 17 July 2000 at 15:00 CDST i took a bottle of wine and a bottle of muscle relaxers and lay down ...

i have NEVER known such peace as i did that day, knowing that it was over .... or so i thought, Tom found me, took me to the ER and i spent a few days there followed by a week in "lock-down" in the nut-ward at St Dominics in Jackson.... when they put me with gen pop, .... sheeeezzzz ...

there i learned:
1) most psychiatrists haven't a clue about life;
2) the psych aides know even less;
3) people, there are some fuktarded NUTJOBS on this planet ... and most are doing it just to get a government check.

i told the doc's what they wanted to hear, and got out after a week.

but it took 4.5 years before i knew i was over the oxy addiction and past the depression ... not easy on anyone ... especially my family ... once again, i was hurting the one's i was trying to spare ...

Why me Lord, what have I ever done
To deserve even one
Of the pleasures I've known?
Tell me Lord, what did I ever do
That was worth lovin' you
Or the kindness you've shown?
Lord help me Jesus,
I've wasted it so
Help me Jesus I know what I am
But now that I know that
I've needed you so Help me Jesus,
my soul's in your hand.

Try me Lord,
if you think there's a way
I can try to repay
All I've taken from you.
Maybe Lord,
I can show someone else
What I've been through myself
On my way back to you.

words ~Kris Kristofferson

someday never comes

how many times have you said, "not today ... but, someday, i will"???

"i don't know enough, i'm not good enough, when i'm in better shape, when i know what to expect"

soon, too soon, all your "somedays" are gone.

you wake up and realize, you've "someday-ed" your life away.

First thing I remember was asking papa why
For there were many things I didn't know.
And daddy always smiled and took me by the hand
Saying someday you'll understand.

Well I'm here to tell you now each and every mother's son
That you better learn it fast you better learn it young
'Cause someday never comes.

Well time and tears went by and I collected dust.
For there were many things I didn't know.
When daddy went away, he said, try to be a man,
And someday you'll understand.

Well, I'm here...
And then one day in April, I wasn't even there,
For there were many things I didn't know.
A son was born to me. Mama held his hand,
sayin' someday you'll understand.

Well, I'm here...
Think it was September, the year I went away,
For there were many things I didn't know.
And still I see him standing tryin' to be a man,
I said, someday you'll understand.

Well, I'm here to tell you now, each and every mother's son,
That you better learn it fast, you better learn it young,
'Cause someday never comes.

lyrics ~ creedence clearwater revival


lazy sunday

i adore days like these, house is empty...light rain falling... just me & a good book (& ranger, ocassionally Tom.)

*le sigh*

yes, that is a "granny" house dress, i'm old & have earned the RIGHT to wear one all day.

-- it's summer, no time for the pc/laptop -- so using the iphone


Lake Lincoln, Mississippi


Ranger, Michelle (me), Jaxon ... just woke up ... and we wouldn't let him chase the ducks into the water.
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g-babes & mema 2009 July


on Gavin's 6th birthday, Mississippi

left to right:Gavin, CJ, Eli, Jaxon, Mema (me), Nolan
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The Brooks Bunch


Tom's family on his Dad's 83rd birthday ... yes, we enjoy sex, and procreated like rabbits ... Tom is one of six children ... the only one missing was his oldest brother Billy, he's always late ...
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Easter 2009

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on the bench, Jaxon & Valorie, Gavin on the tricycle ...
standing, left to right, Ty & wife Tiffany, me, & Tom


why i will be banned from mingling with gen pop

this lil encounter happened on 29 March 2009 ::

so, went to get cigarettes yesterday ... pulled into a parking space and went in -- got my ciggies and walked out ... there were 3 different vehicles that did not bother parking legally (though the spaces nearest the mart were open) but instead pulled in at various angles blocking me in where i was parked LEGALLY ...

as i was trying to back out a woman of about 60 who was standing in the parking lot talking to a man of about 40yo asked if she should move her car. i said "why bother, obviously you are too lazy, stupid, and pathetic to park correctly in the first place as are the other two morons that you are standing there talking too"

one of the men shouted "FUCK YOU, BITCH" KISS MY ASS!!" ... YOU CAN’T TALK TO MY MOTHER LIKE THAT !!"

to which i replied ..."you'd never get the chance, no i won't, and that explains you're stupidity."

he started walking toward the truck, so i pulled BACK into my parking space and as i was opening the door got my phone and began dialing the police ...


i laughed and told Ranger to come on .... he had remained in the truck while i went into the tobacco mart ...

Ranger jumped out of the truck and looked at the man .... who - to have been so angry and aggressive one moment ago- moved pretty day'mn fast away from me and back to his vehicle .... as his momma and the other guy were running to their respective forms of transportation ... with the momma screaming ..."i got sick grandbabies in the car --- that's why i parked in the way!!!"

one day i will get my butt kicked ... well, probably shot ... no one will come close enuf to hit me ... but i will never learn ...

... it was hilarious ... and i was left standing in the parking lot by myself laughing like a maniacal fool ... with a bunch of shop-keepers staring at me from the store-fronts ... guess they (shop-keeps) were wondering if it was safe to come out.... AND they (fuktards) all had handicap tags and/or placards hanging from their rear view window ... but it must NOT have been a mobility handicap ... cuz the fuktards moved WAY too fast for that to be the case.



black hole sun

Hang my head
Drown my fear
Till you all
just disappear

from black hole sun ~soundgarden

humans...spending our time on this earth building walls...
walls to keep stuff safe: possessions, feelings, family.

but why?

to me that is the question, not "what is the meaning of life?"

the only thing that is truly MINE, is my soul and how i perceive life ...
the rest are just superficial trappings of a puny earthling...

i own nothing on this planet except my mind, my soul, my heart, call it what you will.

the rest moves in and out of my grasp.

i build walls around my life, have since the age of six, it's easier that way ...
never letting life's vagrancies enter into my reality ...

into my perception of "me"

is it good? no, i miss out on a lot that this existence has to offer.

is it wise? yes, it minimizes the pain of having no control of life.

when i do open my being, let the wall slip,
i pray for the relief of numbness ...
for the feeling that i am alone in this existence ...

do i blame anyone? no, this is my life, and only i hold the key to how i see my reality.

only i hold the key to my contentment.


heaven is in your mind

i've walked in & out of life, for so many years... trying to always do the "right thing" for others... i've forgotten what it's like to simply take what i need for me.

that supremely selfish time of teendom was denied to me, by so many outside forces that i gave up ever hoping to achieve the purely selfish act of looking out for number one. my wants, my needs, my desires.

the celebration of my nation's Independence Day has brought with it a personal epiphany.

i will take heaven when & where it is offered, my time has come.

You ride on the swing in and out of the bars
Capturing moments of life in a jar
Playing with children, acting as stars
Guiding your vision to heaven and heaven is in your mind
Take extra care not to lose what you feel
The apple you're eating is simple and real
Water the flowers that grow at your heel
Guiding your vision to heaven and heaven is in your mind

(Steve Winwood/Jim Capaldi/Chris Wood)


all my life-- foo fighters

these words....

All my life I've been searching for somethin
Somethin never comes, never leads to nothin
Nothin satisfies, but I'm gettin close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope

All night long I dream of the day
When it comes around, and it's takin away
Leaves me with the feelin that I fear the most
Feel it come to life when I see your ghost



what the fuck!?!?!

just when i think i have a handle on hubby & his man-o-pause... the she'att hits the fan..

women are never this tempermental, & he struck the motherlode when i had to have an emergency hysterectomy at 24yo... ie, no pms for last 23 years.


for the record (pay no attention to what the rest of my family says--they're jealous cuz i'm so perfect), i am an absolute angel to live with, so i KNOW it's not my fault.

-- it's summer, no time for the pc/laptop -- so using the iphone