black hole sun

Hang my head
Drown my fear
Till you all
just disappear

from black hole sun ~soundgarden


humans...spending our time on this earth building walls...
walls to keep stuff safe: possessions, feelings, family.

but why?

to me that is the question, not "what is the meaning of life?"

the only thing that is truly MINE, is my soul and how i perceive life ...
the rest are just superficial trappings of a puny earthling...

i own nothing on this planet except my mind, my soul, my heart, call it what you will.

the rest moves in and out of my grasp.

i build walls around my life, have since the age of six, it's easier that way ...
never letting life's vagrancies enter into my reality ...

into my perception of "me"

is it good? no, i miss out on a lot that this existence has to offer.

is it wise? yes, it minimizes the pain of having no control of life.

when i do open my being, let the wall slip,
i pray for the relief of numbness ...
for the feeling that i am alone in this existence ...

do i blame anyone? no, this is my life, and only i hold the key to how i see my reality.

only i hold the key to my contentment.