pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering? 
wuh, it's a lotta verbal diarrhea, but she can link to this site instead of typing it all over again.there was a time, when i decided .... i was through with life ... the joy and the sorrow, the pleasure and the pain, the light and the dark ...as you probably guessed, i failed at this endeavor also ...
i did NOT make the decision without a lot of thought ... in '93-'94, i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis ... then on 04 March 1999 i was injured, my right hip was forever weakened... the sciatic nerve was irreversibly scarred causing pain that is present to this day, which is why i use a canadian-crutch and a service animal. ... never sure when my leg will give out and i hit the ground ... searing pain followed by complete loss of the right leg ... not a feeling one ever becomes accustomed to no matter how many times a day i kiss dirt.
i was taking oxycontin for the pain of RA and the sciatic nerve .... my dosage was not working anymore, and i saw no reason to continue living... i was a physical, financial, and emotional drain on my family and i knew they would be better off if i was no longer in this existence ...
on 17 July 2000 at 15:00 CDST i took a bottle of wine and a bottle of muscle relaxers and lay down ...
i have NEVER known such peace as i did that day, knowing that it was over .... or so i thought, Tom found me, took me to the ER and i spent a few days there followed by a week in "lock-down" in the nut-ward at St Dominics in Jackson.... when they put me with gen pop, .... sheeeezzzz ...
there i learned:
1) most psychiatrists haven't a clue about life;
2) the psych aides know even less;
3) people, there are some fuktarded NUTJOBS on this planet ... and most are doing it just to get a government check.
i told the doc's what they wanted to hear, and got out after a week.
but it took 4.5 years before i knew i was over the oxy addiction and past the depression ... not easy on anyone ... especially my family ... once again, i was hurting the one's i was trying to spare ...
i did NOT make the decision without a lot of thought ... in '93-'94, i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis ... then on 04 March 1999 i was injured, my right hip was forever weakened... the sciatic nerve was irreversibly scarred causing pain that is present to this day, which is why i use a canadian-crutch and a service animal. ... never sure when my leg will give out and i hit the ground ... searing pain followed by complete loss of the right leg ... not a feeling one ever becomes accustomed to no matter how many times a day i kiss dirt.
i was taking oxycontin for the pain of RA and the sciatic nerve .... my dosage was not working anymore, and i saw no reason to continue living... i was a physical, financial, and emotional drain on my family and i knew they would be better off if i was no longer in this existence ...
on 17 July 2000 at 15:00 CDST i took a bottle of wine and a bottle of muscle relaxers and lay down ...
i have NEVER known such peace as i did that day, knowing that it was over .... or so i thought, Tom found me, took me to the ER and i spent a few days there followed by a week in "lock-down" in the nut-ward at St Dominics in Jackson.... when they put me with gen pop, .... sheeeezzzz ...
there i learned:
1) most psychiatrists haven't a clue about life;
2) the psych aides know even less;
3) people, there are some fuktarded NUTJOBS on this planet ... and most are doing it just to get a government check.
i told the doc's what they wanted to hear, and got out after a week.
but it took 4.5 years before i knew i was over the oxy addiction and past the depression ... not easy on anyone ... especially my family ... once again, i was hurting the one's i was trying to spare ...
Why me Lord, what have I ever done
To deserve even one
Of the pleasures I've known?
Tell me Lord, what did I ever do
That was worth lovin' you
Or the kindness you've shown?
Lord help me Jesus,
I've wasted it so
Help me Jesus I know what I am
To deserve even one
Of the pleasures I've known?
Tell me Lord, what did I ever do
That was worth lovin' you
Or the kindness you've shown?
Lord help me Jesus,
I've wasted it so
Help me Jesus I know what I am
But now that I know that
I've needed you so Help me Jesus,
my soul's in your hand.
I've needed you so Help me Jesus,
my soul's in your hand.
Try me Lord,
if you think there's a way
I can try to repay
All I've taken from you.
Maybe Lord,
I can show someone else
What I've been through myself
On my way back to you.
if you think there's a way
I can try to repay
All I've taken from you.
Maybe Lord,
I can show someone else
What I've been through myself
On my way back to you.
words ~Kris Kristofferson
