jump

i looked down ... it was a long drop ... everyone was watching me, then looking to the water gurgling below ... my friends, chums, school mates, smokin' buds ... i was always the one that would try it first ... "it" being absolutely anything ...
so here we are ... a new bridge, new to us anyway ... and no one from our group had jumped ... i had swam the stream ... checking for stumps and logs ... didn't want to break my neck ... yeah, i would try anything, but i was not an idiot ... there was one stump that was about 4 feet under the surface and three feet from my right ... and a few gators about 40 feet upstream ... our noise only made them look ... the time had come to jump or get off the rail ... i looked left, then right, and did a cannon ball off the rickety bridge ... the rush of air -- against my skin and in my ears ... then the swooosh of water surrounding me ... deeper i went ... touching the bottom of the creek ... feeling the mud to my calves ... taking my time returning to the surface ... down here, there are no problems ... no alcoholic mother (making passes at my class mates ... and then following up on the deal)to contend with ... no fears, no tears ... just the coolness of the water surrounding me ... protecting me from pain ... and that is where i made my choice on what the existence after this one is like ... this is what i want it to be like ... nothing and everything at the same time ... i know it's all around and i can greet it or ignore it ... i wish this existence were like that ... greet it, ignore it ... but i keep getting slapped in the face with everyone else's problems ... and i'm tired ... tired of dealing with choices that hurt those i love ...

to jump or not?!? if only it were that simple....






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