friends from New Hebron

Jim & his lil' sis Joy, and her husband Jeff, with their mom and some of the kids

Jaxon & new friend

both watching their big brothers riding bikes

Gavin

blowing bubbles

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she'att haven't had my pc for so long I completely forgot abt this blog. fyi i now have a callus on my iPhone phinger. ;(. hope to pay the ransom to my daughter this week (ie, she'll have graduated as a r.n.) & will soon be the user of a real pc & not browsing from safari

woot!!

pc power cord came in today. which is a good thing. i've developed a callous on my iphone phinger.


-- post on the go from iphone

new toys

my "new toys" came in today ... went to sears and picked them up ... brought them home .. put them together and cut grass ...

i love tools ... power -- manual -- brand new -- antique ... doesn't matter ... tools are for me what diamonds and jewelry are to most women ...

i salivate over tools ... tom knows that to perk me up ... take me to a home improvement store and let me browse and touch tools ... it's like a jolt of electricity ... but lately i haven't cared to play ... until i returned from the coast ... ordered a reel mower ... the old timey kind with no motor ... and a new weed-eater ... and set about to cutting the grass ... god do i feel so much better .

when i arrived in biloxi i began walking 4 times a day with ranger ... working up to 2 miles a walk ... lost 5 lbs before i left the resort ... and lost another 5 this week ... at this rate ... i'll be back into my smaller jeans before i turn 47 on the 1st of april ... yay!!

anyway back to the tools ... my love for creating is back ... even if it's just creating a neat well groomed lawn ..



yippeeeee!

back home

i never realized just how close i had come to a complete meltdown .... normally i can shrug off most any problem ... these last few months have shown me a weaker side to myself ... one with which i am not comfortable.

i had thought that i had a grip on the added stress of the last 18 months ... well more like 39 months ...just the last 18 have been particularly rough ... i could easily have gone back to the harder drugs to cope ... and that scared the hell out of me ... i never want to enter that abyss again ... i know -- this time -- i won't find my way out ...

how do we let our soul slide back ? back to that dark place ? that place that took all the willpower and soul to climb out of? how did i almost return there without realizing it?

if i had not gotten away from my life when i did ... i know -- i know that i would be using again ... how could i not see the danger? how could no one around me not see how far i had slipped? how close i was?